So a question parents often ask is how I can I empower my child to help them get the help they need.  And at the same time be helpful but not get in the way and allowing them to learn to do it for themselves.  And this can be a hard question to answer because it is hard to step out of what you know and the relationship.  And also this is your child and you love them, no one sees them like you do and no one is going love the like you do.  So often, parents we try to help them balance or find a middle ground where they can be helpful but also empower their children to learn life skills that are going to help them maneuver through the world.

One very important question to ask yourself is what does work, and how I (the parent) might be getting the way.  And to just sort of objectively ask that question of yourself, I think just putting the question out there and just being aware of it.  Often help parents make the decision in the moment, when for example they might be doing too much for their child or when they need to jump in and just help a little bit.

A really tough thing parents go through when watching their child go through recovery is watching them suffer and its part of recovery. When children are the beginnings of recovery especially can be really tough.  So the question is when my child is suffering, and they are not doing OK, how do I need not get involved to help end their suffering?

Which has been an important part of my parent role all my life?  I think nobody wants to see their child suffer. I think there is a combination of answers there. I think part of it is trusting when the children start to learn a language they start to know when to ask for themselves what is helpful. So it’s helpful to start to have conversations with your kids about, “what is helpful to you.  How do you, want me to help you when you’re in a good place.”

I think the other thing is to get opinions of other people. Friends and family, there are people everyone has an opinion, lots of people like to give their opinion.  What you want is people you trust and love. And ask them.

Tell me when I am getting too involved or over stepping my boundaries and not letting my child how to learn for themselves and how to maneuver this world.

The other thing I want to say is that, the world is a harsh place and there a lot of rules. And these days it gets more and more complicated to figure out these rules and anybody, even for children not going through addiction recovery.

It’s an important conversation and it’s important that you are helping your child learn new skills

Constantly and moving forward, bit by bit letting go of things that you used to do for them and learning to let them empower themselves a little more each day.  So you might set simple goals of for example, this month what can they do on their own, that I won’t do for them anymore.  There’s a lot of tips on how to empower your children and of course there’s self-help groups out there just for that purpose. Such as Allen on parent meetings because they are comprised of other parents who have gone through what you are going through right now.